Workout Length: 31 minutes
Brisk five-minute warm-up walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Five-minute cool down walk.
It took me several weeks to finally get the gumption to get off my ass and go for a run. I mean WEEKS. So, I was sitting (more like laying on the couch) being lazy, and watching some TV when I got the sudden urge for ice cream. YUM! I sat there, on the couch, for another hour before I mentally convinced myself some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream was worth putting on a bra and going to the store. I did, I bought 2 gallons because between trying to pick which brand of cookie dough ice cream I wanted (Lucerne) I saw my ALL time FAVORITE ice cream, Caramel Caribou. Yum! I already had cookie dough on my mind so I had to buy that and after seeing my childhood favorite ice cream, I couldn't leave without that one either.
There I was, back at home, watching TV (I was on the last few episodes of Season 4 of The O.C.), and consumed in my Cookie Dough/Caramel Caribou ice cream concoction when I got this sudden urge to exercise. I know, right? I finished my bowl of ice cream, finished watching the season and got dressed for the track. I made the mistake once of just running down the street, to the next block and back. Not only am I pretty sure I ran past someone trying to break into the party store down my street, I am almost positive he followed me for 100 feet before backing off. Plus, the cat calls were a bit annoying and I'm not sure heartfelt because I needed to run, if you get my point. Plus, it's dark and I rarely see a cop on this street, despite all the traffic and I couldn't live with myself if I was on the front page of the Phoenix Sun because some crazy couldn't control himself. So, to the local high school track it was, which happens to be right down the road.
I'm driving to the track, totally pumped up for the run. I can't wait. Yes, let's do this. I've only been to the track here once, I don't even know if I remember how to get there. You know what? Instead of driving around aimlessly, I am just going to turn around and go home. Oh look! That's your turn, it's just down this street. Wait, did I make the right turn, this doesn't look familiar, I don't remember it being this far down the street. Maybe I should turn around. Oh look! The parking lot for the track.
It's amazing the anxiety my mind goes through in order to avoid any physical exertion.
I parked my car; I made the decision to park under a light, after all it was 730 at night. As I was walking to the field/track I was, again, mentally psyching myself out. I mean, I forgot a water bottle, I should go back and get one, but I know I'm not coming back if I leave. Forget the water! Wait, I'm carrying my keys, I can't carry my keys while I run. I'll put them in my bra. No, I don't want to jingle every time I leap forward. I know I'll hide them. If I were keys where would I hide? Boy, this track sure is at a loss of hiding spots for keys. Maybe I should just go home. Oh fine! I'll just put them out of the way. But if someone steals my keys, I swear! Wait. Someone else is on the track? I don't want to bother him. What if he doesn't want to be bothered. Just run already! Okay, okay, okay... 5 minute brisk walk.
Luckily, I have the C25K application on my iPhone. Oh, I don't have head phones. This would be so much easier if I had headphones and I have to hold my phone too! Maybe I should leave. No, that would make me look like a moron to this man jogging around the track. What is he like 50? Shouldn't be on a breathing machine instead of jogging around a high school track? OH look? Kittens. Awe... She is so tiny. Where is the Mom. I should take them home. No, can't do that, Curtis is allergic. Oh how I wish I could take them home.
Beep
Beep
Beep
RUN...
Oh cool, it beeps at me, and tells me to run. Oh wow. I remember these days, I was the fastest girl on the track, well maybe not the fastest; but definitely the most strategic. No one could beat me in the 400m (once around the track) or the 800m (twice around the track). Well, that wasn't too long ago. Let's see... I was 13 when I last ran track, and I am 20 now. That's just...
Beep
Beep
Beep
WALK...
I love this phone. This is a piece of cake. Okay, I just can't hold this phone much longer - in the bra it goes. Opps. Turn it around, my boobs are smuggling the speakers and I can't hear any music. There, that's better. Now, see? This isn't so bad. I could really use some water about now. I KNEW I should have gone back to get some.
Beep
Beep
Beep
RUN...
What? Run? Already? But! Let's see now... I was 13 and I'm 20 now, so that was SEVEN YEARS! It's been SEVEN whole years! I can't believe I let my ass stay out of shape for 7 years. What happened to me? What the hell was I possibly busy with when that I didn't have time to take care of myself. Oh yea. High School!
Beep
Beep
Beep
WALK...
Oh thank, God! I am so walking! Wait a minute. Who is this Bitch! Showing up here on the track with her water bottle, sports bra and spandex. She should be wearing a tank top at least! Who does she think she is? Oh, good song!
Beep
Beep
Beep
RUN...
She doesn't even have any curves. Who would want a body like that? Not me. That's for sure. Wait, then why am I here? How far have a ran? 4 laps. Yea, about a mile. Damn, this is hard. What happened to my 3 minute 800m? Oh look! The kittens are pouncing on each other. I really want to take one home. A lot of people use this track. I'm impressed. My legs are tingling? Wait, I remember this feeling. That time I went to the Chiropractor and he put me in that water contraption machine that was suppose to massage my back but ended up feeling like the jabbing knife a friend. It has something to do with blood circulation, this is good my blood is moving. It LIKES it! Wait, I forgot that it itches.
Beep…
About time! I think that timer is wrong, because that was definitely more than 1 minute of running. Man! I wish I could scratch my legs, but then I would look like an idiot in front of these pros. Foot steps are behind me. I hope I don't get jumped. Please don't get jumped, please don't get jumped! There are too many witnesses. Plus, miss Skinny Suzie over there looks better, she would be raped before me; I guess being fat *cough* bigger has it's plus (no pun intended). Those last too thoughts are horrible realizations. Speaking of the, Devil; I guess those were her foot steps. Bitch!
Beep
Beep
Beep
RUN...
More foot steps behind me??? Come on I am not that slow..... ...................... ............... Wait, WHAT? Seriously! No, not possible. That man looks like he is in his late 60s. Maybe he just looks old; he is probably in 50s. Like that makes it any better! Plus, people who exercise look younger not older than what they are. That puts him in him early 70s! I can't believe he is going to lap me? Really!?!
Beep...
It's a really nice night tonight. Not too warm. If it was in the dead of summer, I would be out here. I couldn't handle the heat. It just gets too hot. Breeze! Oh how nice! I hope it is nice and breezy every night that I come out here to run. The Man and I should really should do this; it isn't so bad.
Beep
Beep
Beep
RUN...
I'm just afraid that he will try to show off and run ahead of me, or make me feel like I needed to run faster to keep up. That isn't good. I would have to keep my own pace and he would just have to slow down to stay with me, becauseI don't want him running away from me. Wait, I don't want to hold him backeither. Is that what I am doing? Holding him back in life? Who wants to be in thatkind of relationship. I really need to figure out how I can get one or both of those kittens. Damn it, where is there Mother? I could tell him I rescued them... Hmm... Let's see, almost hit by car? No. Dogs were chasing? No, that is no good.Beep...
I'm not going to walk this time. No WAY am I letting that 50-60-70 something year old man lap me, AGAIN! Maybe, Skinny Suzie is kind of cute.
Beep
No you need to walk. You're going to do it any way and by putting it off you will only make it less walking time before you have to run again.
Beep
No, not going to do it. I am going to run through this walk and then walk at the next one.
COOL DOWN.
OH! Look? I did it! Woo Hoo! Now, just walk a little slower and that 5 minute cool down will be done by the time you get to the car. That old man is still running? Isn't he going to like, slow down? Or walk? He's GOT to be tired.
Okay mental notes:
1. I need good shoes; nice running shoes for this. I'm going to get me a pair.
2. Get a shoulder strap for my iPhone, this boob thing just isn't going to last.
3. OH! Make kick ass, motivational play list for phone to listen to while running.
4. Don't forget water next time!
5. Come up with a good excuse to bring home those kittens
* * * * * *
